There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.

Brian Andreas

In honour of Mental Health Awareness Week from the 18th to the 24th May and its’ focus being Kindness I thought I’d discuss the importance of self-kindness to me and why it is a valuable mental skill.

Criticism from our internal monologue helps us to survive and avoid dangers, but like flowers us humans do not thrive in dark spaces, and once negative thought habits take hold they can be difficult to quit. this is where self- kindness is needed because even though we can go to other people to help boost us out of tough spots, being able to provide that reaction yourself means you will always have comfort when you need it.

Most importantly, self- kindness doesn’t eradicate or teach you to ignore negativity in thoughts or feelings but gives you the tools to know that those thoughts are often too harsh and are sometimes just plain wrong. It adds a friendly perspective to your mind.

Especially in this hard time of lockdown, it’s natural to feel frustrated and impatient (or whichever uncomfortable emotion it is that day)- you deserve a kind and patient response to those feelings and unfortunately, our loved ones, who are going through similar distress, aren’t always in the right space of mind to attend to our needs.

In my opinion, this is what makes self-kindness the most important, how can you pour from an empty cup? Being kind to yourself first is what gives you the energy to be kind to others so freely. It allows you to transform your mental health and life because you will always be your own best friend.

Treat yourself with kindness this week, encourage yourself as you would a friend; be spontaneous and romantic for yourself as you would for a partner, and provide comfort and patience for yourself as you would a child.

Happy Mental Health Awareness week everyone, be good to yourselves.

[short read]

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In Adolus Huxley’s dystopian novel ‘Brave New World’ people are manufactured to be happy from the very beginning of life.

They are made to be content with their social class (which they cannot rise above) and they cannot marry or have children so there is no heartbreak. No complications just simple happiness.

What Huxley may intend us to see is that meaningful happiness does not exist on its own, it exists in contrast to other emotions.

There’s More to life than happiness…

When I told my family this phrase in casual conversation (at Christmas of all times) without explaining the insight from Huxley, they thought I was being pessimistic and dreary. When in fact the phrase means quite the opposite to me and is a good source of comfort.

Happiness is a fleeting emotion, it is impossible for us to hold onto it constantly. So removing it as a ‘goal’ in life releases some pressure in us finding it (and thinking we’ve failed when we can’t). Instead happiness is just a pleasant occurrence.

The joy of being content.

Though a slight oxymoron, being content is far more of a joy to me than the ecstatic high of happiness. The contented feeling is just a mini happy.

Relaxing by a fireplace, slipping into a flow of conversation with a friend or loved one or just sipping a very nice coffee are the lighthearted moments that occur often and keep my overall well-being buoyant.

Happiness is now.

Now the pressure is off and you’ve got your miniature happinesses you’ll realise that they happen everyday.

You can stop postponing the feeling by saying ‘after I get x done, then I’ll be happy’ because you’ll know happiness is not a looming final result or reward, a little bit of happy is everywhere.

[3 minute read]

“If anyone’s looked at nutritional advice on the internet one day they tell you one thing and the next day they tell you something else, so I was determined to find out the truth.”

Helen James on how she became interested in nutrition.

This entails, nutrition [body], talking therapy [mind] and balance of energy in the body through holistic treatment as Helen is a certified Reiki practitioner [energy].

I wanted to talk to Helen about how important diet is to well-being and the holistic side of her work with (the increasingly popular) Reiki therapy.

But food isn’t the only way to balance the body’s energy…

Reiki is a holistic treatment that, alike sound baths and light therapy, is gaining popularity for it’s improvement to well-being…

You can find Helen James on Facebook, Instagram and by searching HJnutrition.

[photograph is not personally owned, provided by Helen James. Letter images for Q+A have been originally created using the Canva app]

[3 minute read]

Happiness is something we all want. Though sometimes our own ideas surrounding Happiness prevent us from achieving it.

It made me think, what if we could re-wire what Happiness meant to us?

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1. What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness- Robert Waldinger- 12 minutes

After an impressive 75 year study, Robert Waldinger shows us to live a happy life we must have positive social connections. This didn’t mean perfection. As long as healthy relationships are maintained, Happiness took hold and transformed the subjects health.

According to Campaign to End Loneliness, research by the British Red Cross and The Co-op shows over 9 million adults of all ages report feeling lonely always or often. Waldinger’s advice could be the answer to a loneliness epidemic.

2. There’s more to life than being happy- Emily Esfahani Smith- 12 minutes

Upon chasing happiness, Emily Esfahani Smith came to her own conclusion of ‘the four pillars of happiness’: Belonging, Purpose, Transcendence and Storytelling.

Smith’s elements to a fulfilled life are similar to the recently popular Japanese concept, Ikigai . A code to happiness where you combine a mission, passion, vocation and profession to find purpose. Maintaining equal balance in life could be key to overall happiness.

3.Happiness is all in your mind- Gen Kelsang Nyema- 15 minutes

Buddhist nun, Gen Kelsang Nyema, teaches that Happiness shouldn’t be controlled or affected by external sources. She teaches that Happiness is a state of mind and therefore can be controlled in the mind only.

Headspace and Calm meditation shares many techniques to help people lead a more balanced life without judgement, the aim being that the less judgemental you are of our situation the more patient and calm you will become.

4. Less stuff, more happiness- Graham Hill- 5 minutes

Writer, designer and business owner of LifeEdited; Graham Hill focuses on the concept of less is more. By owning less, like we would when travelling, we may feel more free and relaxed.

A similar point of view that took the world by storm was by Marie Kondo with her book ‘The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up’, which encouraged people to consider if their possessions ‘spark joy’

5. Why our screens make us less happy- Adam Alter- 9 minutes

As a writer and an Associate University Professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business, Adam Alter uncovers how modern screen addiction is limiting our happiness by taking away our precious personal time.

Alter noticed many people in tech companies limited their use on the digital products they were endorsing. It’s time to ask the question, what are our screens really doing to us?

Final Thoughts.

Even without watching all five talks, each speaker had a unique approach to Happiness: Social connections, Personal fulfilment, Mindfulness, Material Possessions and Habits . All five give talks also uncover the importance of happiness as a discipline, it only works if you do.

[all media, apart from youtube videos, are my own unless otherwise stated]

[2 minute read]

“you’ve been so hard on yourself for so long I don’t think you know how to stop.”

These are the words a therapist told me in college which I’ve grappled with for years.

when I received this advice I thought it meant I’d be taking a step down from achieving my goals, I had to be hard on myself so then I could push myself into working more. Successful people are well disciplined and discipline isn’t pretty.

But oh how wrong I was…

It’s very easy to treat yourself badly with good intent. It’s how we justify doing it to ourselves for so long. But how often do you pause and ask ‘Is how I talk to myself encouraging productivity?’.

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3 ways positive self talk can help you.

1. Constructive Feedback

If someone gave you overly negative, critical feedback it’d be absolutely useless to you. Your internal monologue works the same way.

By heaping on the ‘tough love’ we’re ruling out the honest and constructive feedback we actually need.

2. Increased Motivation

Just like if someone rudely asks us to do some chores, we’re less likely to want to do the task. So why do we bully ourselves into work?

Don’t just dismiss resistance to work as laziness or procrastination. By listening to yourself and adapting accordingly you may be more productive.

3. Achievable Goals

From making sure your to-do list is manageable in the amount of time you wish to work, to understanding your current skill set, being forgiving to yourself will help you in actively moving towards your goals.

If you no longer fear self-judgement of ‘not being good enough’ you’ve got nothing to loose! Have confidence in your ability and ask for help when it’s needed.

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Final thoughts.

Learning to stop giving yourself a hard time is an ongoing practice, but one You’ll never stop reaping benefits from.